Venting
Usually when asked how I’m doing my response is: “It’s another beautiful day in paradise.” Why? First, most really don’t want to know in any detail, since essentially this is just a form of saying hello and this lets them off the hook. Admit it, there have been times when you have used “How are you doing?” as a greeting and the person proceeded, in detail, to tell you exactly how they were doing, all the while your internal voice was screaming “I was only saying hello!”
Secondly, and most importantly, when speaking about our lives there needs to be a good reason for the conversation. If things are going well, of course a simple declarative statement is desirable, but if an area of life: family, health, work, etc. is bothersome then we must be on guard lest we place ourselves in danger of stoking the fires of resentment. The pitfall of drifting into condemnation while airing our “problems” to a sympathetic ear places us at risk, the risk of morbid reflection.
The belief that “talking” about something troubling us will make us feel better is only a half truth. It only has lasting value if the purpose of the conversation is to explore solutions, not to merely vent. We have all vented at times in our lives, what was the result? In the moments following the rant we did feel better, but just like the temporary relief felt when short on cash and a forgotten twenty is found in the pocket of a coat, it fades as soon as we shift from the gratitude of finding the cash to “it’s only a twenty” thinking. Often I have had a student say they felt better after “getting something off their chest” but unless a definite course of action to address the problem or situation was entered into, all that was really accomplished was “letting off a little steam” which is fine in the short run but does nothing to address the continuing source of the pressure.
When we abstain from negative thinking and talk, from feeding the inner beast of self-pity and self-centered fear, instead turning our thoughts and heart to the Miraculous that is wisdom and guidance personified; the only true barrier to morbid reflection, we save ourselves from needless mental and spiritual wear and tear. So, how are you doing? It really is another beautiful day in paradise.
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